Words are hard

Driving Contemplations, Dreamed Convocations

The dreams have been relentless as of late

The moment I close my eyes without a moment’s wait

They are there behind my lids

Reunions that distance forbids

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It started a couple of days past

But I’m not sure if I want it to last

The relief’s there only while I sleep

But when I wake up the sorrow’s deep

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My dearest friends, with laughter so light

Grace me with their presence only at night

Spread out across the country, in places unknown

I’ve missed them since but away I’ve flown

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There’s nothing to do now but to move past this

I shouldn’t waste time like I have been, listless

I’m dealing with the pain but still happiness lies

I’m collecting cracks in my heart from all of these goodbyes

This Week’s Progression

All week I’ll be holding back tears

Desperately trying to deny the fears

The summer is coming, this year’s blown past

What if the growth I’ve felt since then won’t last

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I can’t even express the pain that I’m feeling

Thoughts of leaving send my heart keeling

Looking forward’s hard when there is beauty left behind

And I’m not quite sure where contentment I’ll find

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I’ve tried to run and I’ve tried to hide

But a life of evasion isn’t why Jesus died

So I’ll have to toughen up and face the truth

I’ll have to address this God-given reproof

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There are changes I need to make back at home

And growth that won’t happen when I roam

So I will follow God’s sovereign will

And reach for what’s over that next hill

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I’m not sure if I’m ready to say my goodbyes

Or leave my home with all that implies

These farewells are the most grim:

Ones with the likelihood of reunions dim

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But since I must leave I’ll have to let go

And trust that God’s providence will show

He’ll take care of my friends better than I ever could

And teach them far more than I ever would

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Yet despite the peace there are tears

Though now void of doubt for the years

Instead of fear I have gratitude

Filled from within with the Spirit’s attitude

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As I choke back the tears that are difficult to swallow

The first two are gone and the third soon will follow

I knew the year would end but surely not this soon

What would we do without technology as our boon?

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I may never see them again except after life

When the Father will come and rid me of this strife

On that glorious day we shall praise together

And thank him that He’s given our hearts’ tether

Two Weeks and the Ticking Clock

There’s homework to do and my desk is a mess

The brevity of life hasn’t stopped idleness

On the window seat, I’m thinking about time

And procrastinating life by trying to rhyme

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I don’t know what you have in store for me, Lord

I don’t want to leave but I have to move forward

From where I stand the future’s so blurry

Like the view from the shore in fog and in flurry

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God, I feel anxious, with tightness in chest

Filling up with worry that just will not rest

But since long ago you’ve had good things planned

So I guess that I’ll wait with an open, empty hand

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You’ve taught me so much and you’ve made your love clear

So I really must thank for this wondrous year

Yet even still there’s lament in my heart

Because I’m convinced that it’s tearing apart

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Hither and yon my dear friends are going

When I’ll see them again, there’s no way of knowing

I don’t care if it takes years or a single week

Even a day without them seems to be bleak

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When departure day comes I imagine I’ll cry

But I’ll learn to let go by saying goodbye

So when the time comes that they’re not by my side

There’s a room in my heart where they’ll always reside

More Than Empathy

A girl wrecked by insecurity, gone home to be with family. A boy mourning the loss of his sister, gone home to say goodbye. These are the ones I miss.

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Such a beautiful young woman lost in doubt

Stuck listening to the lies that shout

You listen but can’t hear truth speak

Reality’s cry is just too weak

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A godly young man filled with life

But mortality persists in bringing you strife

A brother’s pain is shared by all

It was a funeral invitation, not a real phone call

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This whole community was shaken

Because of The Fall two members were taken

Death and deceit have robbed me of my friends

The pain of missing them never really ends

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All it takes is a song or that stupid phrase

And I’m reminded of your absence from us these days

It’s hard to laugh without your sarcasm and wit

Sobriety instead of humour coming from you doesn’t fit

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This is the feeling of my heart breaking

Sorrow and sympathy aren’t worth faking

The pain I feel has to be genuine

Though the cracks in my heart aren’t mine

Living by the Ocean

The fog has descended, a covering thick

Days like this pass slowly, anything but quick

I hear the fog horn, oh the blaring noise

I can’t escape the future, left without poise

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The clock slows down, yet I’m still stuck

I’m biding my time, pressing my luck

The slower I move, I’m procrastinating

The less time I have, agonized palpitating

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I haven’t got any words, with empty lips

There’s nothing more to say, I’m all out of quips

Just Another Afternoon

Trying to stifle the quiet and drown the ringing in my ears

Blasting music in hopes to hold back the tears

I don’t have any words for what I’m trying to do here

I just have to keep doing and doing to forget the fear

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Working to get these thoughts our straight

Hoping that my attempts aren’t too late

I don’t know what you want me to believe

I’m left with no more tricks up my sleeve

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Failing to live life abundantly

Drowning inside consequently

I can’t stand this unsure separation

I’m uncomfortable with this contemplation

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Feeling the pain grow inside my head

Running from everything that’s been said

I’m sick of trying to please everyone

Please can’t today just be done

The Alcove of My Heart

God I try to be patient as time passes by

Yet I still can’t help watching out the corner of my eye

If you are the Lord of my heart why do I still fight?

The fact that I’m this distracted is completely not alright

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How am I supposed to wait without watching?

All the while it’s commitment I’m dodging

I’m still holding on to a piece of my heart

Not quite sure how to give away the very last part

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I’ve asked you into my heart and there you abide

I’m working to make myself your holy bride

Though contentment is hard and doubt creeps in

Could you really be enough to replace my sin?

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My heart is torn and I’m left without choices

I have to silence these intrinsic voices

By tooth and nail you will be King

Over my thoughts, my heart and my everything

Life on the West Coast

I may have missed winter but it’s warm in my heart

The scene out my window begs me not to depart

The season may be ending but I think my time’s not

When the summer time comes I’ll be looking for my spot

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With some conviction I will make plans to stay

But secretly with my hopes tucked safe away

I’m a tad too scared to commit and say for sure

Yet I must admit I’m pulled by the allure

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And maybe it’s optimism or just lack of the snow

But I can’t stop the peace when the wind starts to blow

See my joy’s in the waves and my hope’s in the trees

Though I won’t be here forever so I cherish times likes these

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And as the sun begins to set behind the lonely island peaks

I’ll reflect on the past and the fast approaching weeks

If time is a commodity I’ll be beggar for life

With appreciation for breath especially rife

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I’ve been blessed beyond measure, much more than I deserve

So in humble repayment I will willingly serve

To my God and my King I will give all that I am

True to the archetype’s sacrificial lamb

Defining Home

Time wasting, dessert tasting, these actions clearly show

Deep sighing, patience dying, I hate missing them so

Sleep lacking, knuckles cracking, this is how I know

Slow blinking, wishful thinking, I think it’s time to go

Why I’m Not Fast Asleep

After everything today had to offer I still cannot sleep

So in my attempt to slumber I’ll leave me worries in a heap

But my anxieties are too loud and the agitation runs deep

Because it’s laziness that I sow it’s discontentment that I reap

Though I know that regret and complacency can be bought really cheap

I’m beginning to wonder if the price of composure is really that steep

See, high hopes for tomorrow are the only dreams that I keep

And I’m sure I’ll sleep better after I’ve landed that leap

But since it’s faith that I lack tonight I’m left counting sheep

Lying in bed, praying for sleep